Peaches and Cream
by Council
Summary: This is a summary. I have 358 characters left. This book is called Peaches and Cream. It will not involve Peaches and Cream whatsoever. It will involve Harry Potter and parallel dimensions. Maybe some sexy time as well. I have 157 characters left. It's really tough writing the summary because you want to be careful you don't put trivial things in the description and run out of spa


**Council proudly presents another HP story that will probably never get finished but hey it's something amiright?**

 **Prologue:**

* * *

It was the anniversary of the end of the war.

Soft beams of sunlight flittered through the gap in the middle of the curtains that rippled as gentle winds played with the deep red fabric. A particular strong gust of wind caused the curtains to billow outwards, and the sudden increase of intense sunlight caused the young man to grimace.

Glazed, emerald eyes peered open from behind heavy, dark rimmed lids.

The man blearily reached his hands towards the light. He grabbed the hanging fabric, gave it a strong yank shut and promptly went back to sleep.

* * *

"Harry Potter! Where have you been?" A mess of frizzy brown hair and a shapely, bouncy body rushed towards Harry.

"Relax Hermione," Harry said, an easy grin on his face. "I'm not late am I?"

Hermione gestured to the hundreds of vacant plastic seats littering the auditorium.

"The anniversary finished one hour ago," Hermione replied, strained and struggling not to raise her voice.

"It's not like I had to come watch it though," Harry commented. With a casual wave of his fingers one of the white plastic garden chairs soared through the air. He leant backwards and fell into the seat just as it skidded to a stop at his feet.

"You were the main guest speaker!"

"Huh," Harry replied, propping one foot up on his opposite knee and leaning back into the chair. His slack, dark denim jeans tightened with the effort. "Well, It's all peaches and cream, right?

"Apples and pears," Hermione corrected automatically.

"Good idea," Harry said, and with another wave of his fingers, a shining red apple flew across the room and landed in his outstretched hand. He casually bit into it, only to find that his teeth scraped off the surface.

"Fuck me. Fake fruit are still a thing?" Harry asked incredulously. He dropped kicked the plastic apple, and it bounced off his comfortable, brand name sneakers, before clunking to the ground.

"Can't you take anything serious?" Hermione grumbled.

"…That was meant to be where Sirius chimed in."

They both fell quiet as they gazed at the empty auditorium.

"Well," Harry exclaimed, dragging out the word, "While I'm at the ministry, I might as well go pay that old veil a visit."

He launched himself off the chair, the thin plastic seat falling backwards, and Harry strode out of the auditorium. Hermione, caught off guard by his sudden change of pace had to struggle to catch up to him.

"Harry, what's- up with- you these days?" Hermione panted, trying to walk fast and breathe.

"I've been meaning to tell you about that," Harry admitted, "I've developed a glue sniffing addiction."

"What!?"

"I'm kidding, kidding!" Harry joked, grinning back at her. They were silent for a moment, until, "It's actually LSD."

"Harry!"

"It's a joke! Bloody hell, Hermione, lighten up for once."

They arrived at the elevator and Harry pressed the button. It made a dinging noise. He pressed the button again.

"Huh, neat," Harry commented, continuing to mash the button.

"You're insufferable, you know that?" Hermione groaned, covering her ears as the loud dinging drowned out her words.

"You have nice tits."

"What was that?" Hermione asked, uncovering her ears.

"Nothing," Harry said quickly. Hermione frowned at him, but shrugged her shoulders.

"Third floor, the Atrium. Please mind the gap," Harry said, mimicking the female elevator voice. Harry and Hermione stepped in and joined the other wizard in the lift.

"Potter," Draco said shortly, nodding his head towards Harry.

"Malfoy," Harry nodded back. The light for the 10th floor was lit, suggesting it must have been Draco's destination. Harry pressed the button for the 5th floor, noting in appreciation that this button also dinged.

"Huh, neat," Harry repeated.

"Oh please not this again Harry," Hermione groaned. Harry rolled his eyes but obeyed. Harry say Draco smirk out of the corner of his eyes.

"Nice weather," Harry said casually.

"Quite." Draco replied, emphasising the last syllable of the word.

"Gotta love elevator conversations," Harry said after several seconds of continued silence. "You know what they need. Elevator music! Think they could hire out someone? Skrillex maybe?" Anyone's answer was avoided by the elevator dinging.

"Fifth floor, department of mysteries," Harry mimicked once again. "Have a nice day Draco."

As Draco nodded his head in response, Harry slammed his hand on the rest of the elevator buttons, making them all ding loudly in protest. He then jumped out of the list as the doors closed.

"Potter!" An angry Draco shouted as the doors closed shut on him. Harry admired his handiwork for several seconds before turning around and finding Hermione glaring at him.

"Oh come on, it was-"

"A joke. Yes. Quite."

"Peaches and cream."

"That doesn't even make sense!"

"You don't even make sense!"

"Oh Harry…" Hermione sighed. She grabbed the hem of his leather jacket as he started walking away.

"I'm sorry, the jacket's not for sale," Harry said, his eyes full of mock pity.

"Ha. Ha. Very funny."

"Laugh all you want. It's still not for sale."

"Harry!" Hermione shouted in a rare display of anger. "Just for once, listen to me without jumping in with all these stupid jokes."

"Peaches-"

Hermione's eyes widened fractionally, but it was enough to make Harry freeze in his statement. Hermione stared at him, her eyes daring him to finish the sentence. He wisely kept his words to himself.

"I'm worried about you Harry. Really, really worried. Ron is too. You haven't come over for dinner at ours in weeks. We barely see you, and when we do, you just joke around."

"Ever since Ginny broke up with you last year you haven't been the same. You've acting like nothing matters. I know it's been really tough since the war finished, and I know losing Ginny was a really harsh blow for you, but there's so many people left who care for you Harry."

"Please Harry. It doesn't have to be with me, but find something you care about. You can't keep everything inside you and just pretend to be carefree and joking all the time. It won't work."

"Can you do that for me Harry?" Hermione asked softly, a hint of desperation masking her sweet, feminine voice. Her hazel eyes locked with his and stared at him, urging him for a response.

"And cream," Harry finished. Harry watched Hermione deflate in defeat, and when her hand slipped from his jacket he continued marching down the department of mysteries, searching for the Veil. He heard the patter of Hermione's high heels catching up to him.

"And for your record, Ginny didn't break up with me. I broke up with her."

"Harry, she caught you sleeping with Luna."

"Exactly! I broke up with her."

The two rounded entered the room containing the infamous Veil, just in time to stumble upon the Minister of Magic watch as two aurors pushed a Death Eater into the veil. The man's screams were cut off instantly as he disappeared through the mysterious, ethereal folds. The four men watched for several seconds before the sound of slow, echoing clapping caused them to all jump.

"Harry Potter?" Minister Shacklebolt exclaimed, sheathing his wand in relief. "You scared the shit out of us."

"Language, Minister!" Harry scolded, before turning to face Hermione, grinning. "I've always wanted to say that."

"Not to say I'm angry to see you here Harry, but the department of mysteries is technically off limits to civilians," Kingsley said heavily.

"Eh, it hasn't stopped me before," Harry shrugged. "Isn't that right Granger," Harry said, nudging her with his elbow. She just groaned in defeat.

"Anyway, that looked like a no-noser you just pushed down the rabbit hole," Harry commented, taking a few light steps up to the arch. He placed his ear as close to the transparent veil as he could, listening to the sounds of soft secrets being whispered into this ear.

The aurors glanced at each other, unsure of how to handle the situation.

"Relax!" Harry laughed, clapping the two aurors on the back. "I'm not going to hurt your precious boss. Besides. I've got your wands."

The aurors' hands jumped down to their holsters, only to find them empty. The two wands floated above Harry's outstretched hands, spinning in lazy cartwheels. As the aurors reached out to snatch the wands back, they suddenly soared higher up, and out of arms reach.

Kingsley seemed intent on ignoring as much of Harry's shenanigans as possible. In the last six months the Minister had developed a lot of practice at that.

"That was Augustus Rockwood," Kingsley stated, "We'd captured every other Death Eater who had followed Voldemort. He was the last one. It seemed fitting that we push the last follower of Voldemort him through the veil on the anniversary of the war."

"Fair enough, I'm all for symbolism," Harry replied, nodding his head. "So, how does this thing work?" Harry asked, kicking the stone arch. A piece of stone chipped off and fell into the veil, causing the whole thing to splutter angrily. "Sirius fell through this thing after all."

"The unspeakables aren't entirely sure," Kingsley admitted, "but the current theory is that it is inter dimensional time travelling arch with no return. It's unlikely subjects survive the passage."

Harry nodded in affirmation, his bottom lip jutting out.

"But it's possible that they might survive?" Harry asked.

"Oh Harry," Hermione said sadly, "Sirius isn't going to come back."

"Unless you're going to follow that up with your bust, waist and hip ratio, that wasn't what I was asking for Hermione," Harry snapped.

"It's possible, yes," Kingsley said, answering Harry's question, again ignoring Harry's antics.

"And you've been pushing all the no-nosers through here?" Harry asked.

"Since the end of the war," Kingsley confirmed. "The Wizengamot determined it to be the most humane method of execution."

"And you're all aware that this might lead to some parallel world?"

"Well, maybe, the unspeakables aren't sure-"

"And you've been sending our most deranged and dangerous criminals into some parallel world?"

"Well, I mean, when you put it that way…" Kingsley seemed at a loss for words.

Harry's eyes flashed, and Hermione didn't like the look she saw.

"Right, well," Harry said quickly, taking into account the people around him. "Hermione, look after Ron will you. I'll be back in say… two years?"

"Harry, you can't!" Hermione screamed, but she was too late. Harry gave her one final salute and stepped backwards towards the veil.

"Well, I kinda can. Peaches and cream, y'know?"

And then Harry Potter disappeared from the world.

* * *

 **Where am I going with this story? Who knows? Certainly not me! :)**

 **To anyone who's familiar with my other stories... ehh... they probably won't get updated any time soon. Like, I can lie and say I'm working on it right now but to be honest I'm about to try and finish this bottle of malibu so probably not. Hey, honesty's a good trait right.**

 **Anyway, hope you like it. Maybe. It's called peaches and cream cos I can't think of a better title. It's kinda fitting. maybe. The urban dictionary definitions weren't exactly what I was expecting, but maybe I can fit coke and sex somewhere in the story.**

 **Cheers,**  
 **-Council**


End file.
